This app is pretty cool.
Right now I am eating apple slices and drinking water. I really don't care much for apples. I am doing this to help my body heal itself from my recent IUD installation. I guess with new hardware come new functions; or in this case, lack thereof. I decided to this not on a whim, and not because I don't want to be a mother; quite the contrary. I chose to put my baby factory out of commission for a while -10 years if I choose- because I will not subject a child, my child, to this hell-hole of a reality. I'm not that cruel. Although true, I am a married woman in my 20s and am faithful to my husband. And it is true that the desire is there; the desire for a child, not the desire for that child's suffering.
I presently know a woman, in her 20s like me, who got pregnant back in April having then only been married five months. I instantly thought to myself, 'Is she bored already?'. Being the now rational woman that I am, albeit still analytical, I tried to reason with myself the desire for such a thing at such a time.
The date today is October 20th 2010. Being that the economy crashed -noticeably- in 2007 and has only gotten worse from there, and she had been married five months; which any married couple will tell you including myself, means virtually nothing there seemed no logical point to her even wanting a child, at least not right then. But she tired anyway and succeeded. At first I was jealous because she had the leverage to do such a thing and I hadn't. After my short bust of jealousy subsided I felt pressure. Pressure for me to do the same. I mean, I wanted the same, right? Yes. Yes, of course. But I knew that it wasn't the time yet. Not now. Even when every woman I knew save two of them were pregnant or had children; some younger than I. I have decided that that thinking is still irrational, which gave me a moment of pause. I stopped typing and ate another apple slice.
I rationalized that, I knew that there is a time for everything and that each event in time -past, present or future- is always called back in its turn. And so I decided that the pressure I was feeling was stupid and irrational. But then I had another crushing feeling; the feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being left out.
I am no stranger to the feeling of being left out. From the time I had the mental capacity to remember things I have always been and continue to be the odd one. Then why did being of
Right now I am eating apple slices and drinking water. I really don't care much for apples. I am doing this to help my body heal itself from my recent IUD installation. I guess with new hardware come new functions; or in this case, lack thereof. I decided to this not on a whim, and not because I don't want to be a mother; quite the contrary. I chose to put my baby factory out of commission for a while -10 years if I choose- because I will not subject a child, my child, to this hell-hole of a reality. I'm not that cruel. Although true, I am a married woman in my 20s and am faithful to my husband. And it is true that the desire is there; the desire for a child, not the desire for that child's suffering.
I presently know a woman, in her 20s like me, who got pregnant back in April having then only been married five months. I instantly thought to myself, 'Is she bored already?'. Being the now rational woman that I am, albeit still analytical, I tried to reason with myself the desire for such a thing at such a time.
The date today is October 20th 2010. Being that the economy crashed -noticeably- in 2007 and has only gotten worse from there, and she had been married five months; which any married couple will tell you including myself, means virtually nothing there seemed no logical point to her even wanting a child, at least not right then. But she tired anyway and succeeded. At first I was jealous because she had the leverage to do such a thing and I hadn't. After my short bust of jealousy subsided I felt pressure. Pressure for me to do the same. I mean, I wanted the same, right? Yes. Yes, of course. But I knew that it wasn't the time yet. Not now. Even when every woman I knew save two of them were pregnant or had children; some younger than I. I have decided that that thinking is still irrational, which gave me a moment of pause. I stopped typing and ate another apple slice.
I rationalized that, I knew that there is a time for everything and that each event in time -past, present or future- is always called back in its turn. And so I decided that the pressure I was feeling was stupid and irrational. But then I had another crushing feeling; the feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being left out.
I am no stranger to the feeling of being left out. From the time I had the mental capacity to remember things I have always been and continue to be the odd one. Then why did being of
