The most awkward conversation I've ever had was at a one-week convention, as I was leaving a group of friends one evening. I'd been chatting to a girl I'd met a few days before. As the group split up, the two of us went in different directions. (Against narrative convention, the awkward conversation was not with her - she was lovely.)
I walked a short way with a different girl, who knew both of us. Her first question was, "So, did you pull?" I can't remember exactly what my reply was, but I think I stammered words to the effect of, "Err... I'm not sure what you mean."
There followed a couple of minutes of her trying to hint at what "pulling" means - "It's when you get a girl to give you her number, convince her to come back to your place... That kind of thing?" (She was bravely trying to explain a euphemism euphemistically.) Meanwhile, I was trying desperately to hint back that I knew exactly what she meant and had just hoped she would drop the topic. "We agreed to add each other on Facebook," I said, "but that doesn't seem to have the same connotations."
Try as I might, though, I found it impossible to out into words just how unexpected the question had been. Never had I felt more like a visitor from another planet than at that moment. And in some ways, I decided, I really was from another planet. I come from a minority religious group, one which everyone has heard of but no-one knows what it's like to be one. And in my community, no-one would have ever asked that question. Ever.
But how can you encapsulate your entire upbringing in a sentence? Explain that in the social circles I grew up in, the question, "Did you pull?" would be interpreted as "Did you try and have casual sex with her?" And that the answer to that would unquestionably be, "No?" That, despite both speaking English, we were actually talking completely different languages?
As lovely and tolerant as my friends all are - which I don't take for granted, and am continually grateful for - I secretly wish I could show them what it's like to be from my background. Because every now and then, they do or say something that reminds me, "Oh, yes. I come from a different planet."
I'm not comfortable enough to say any of this to them directly. So I wrote this to myself.
If I was a comedian there would be some kind of witty final line here.
I walked a short way with a different girl, who knew both of us. Her first question was, "So, did you pull?" I can't remember exactly what my reply was, but I think I stammered words to the effect of, "Err... I'm not sure what you mean."
There followed a couple of minutes of her trying to hint at what "pulling" means - "It's when you get a girl to give you her number, convince her to come back to your place... That kind of thing?" (She was bravely trying to explain a euphemism euphemistically.) Meanwhile, I was trying desperately to hint back that I knew exactly what she meant and had just hoped she would drop the topic. "We agreed to add each other on Facebook," I said, "but that doesn't seem to have the same connotations."
Try as I might, though, I found it impossible to out into words just how unexpected the question had been. Never had I felt more like a visitor from another planet than at that moment. And in some ways, I decided, I really was from another planet. I come from a minority religious group, one which everyone has heard of but no-one knows what it's like to be one. And in my community, no-one would have ever asked that question. Ever.
But how can you encapsulate your entire upbringing in a sentence? Explain that in the social circles I grew up in, the question, "Did you pull?" would be interpreted as "Did you try and have casual sex with her?" And that the answer to that would unquestionably be, "No?" That, despite both speaking English, we were actually talking completely different languages?
As lovely and tolerant as my friends all are - which I don't take for granted, and am continually grateful for - I secretly wish I could show them what it's like to be from my background. Because every now and then, they do or say something that reminds me, "Oh, yes. I come from a different planet."
I'm not comfortable enough to say any of this to them directly. So I wrote this to myself.
If I was a comedian there would be some kind of witty final line here.
