I'd much rather have you not reading over my shoulder, thank you very much. It's always been one of my biggest pet peeves. I need to change this song, it's really very annoying, but I'm afraid you like it. Why? Why do I even care? About you, about anyone? Am I gaining anything by becoming so undeniably attached to the glitter around your eyes? I reduced the background light on my laptop, because now I really am scared that you'll read this. The song changed, oh thank god. Not that this one is much better, really. Good, talk to other people for me. I don't feel like opening my mouth for something bitter will come out. It's just been that kind of day. The kind of day that makes your skin peel and your eyes squint. The kind that gives you deja-vu-induced goosebumps. Does that even make sense? Does anything? I need coffee. I need coffee and I need you. Not this exam looming over my head. Not the incredible amount of tasks I've laid out ahead of me. Going home this week, going home too soon. I need more time here, more time to clear my head. If only I wasn't so scared of being alone, I think I'd actually grow and mature into a more stable person. But I'm needy and desperate. Desperate to be held, to be listened to and pitied. Pathetic. So very.... oh. 29 minutes left. Oh you're gone. I can breathe again. Don't come back for a while, okay? Come back, just after I'm dead and gone. 28 minutes. I wonder if you ignored my post on purpose. I made myself vulnerable to you, and... lost my train of thought because He walked in. The perfect man, the God-figure. Anyway, where was I ? I wasn't, that's where. I am nothing to you, to any of you. I am only big in my mind. And even then, I'm small. So infinitesimally small. 23 minutes till I see your timid, dimpled face. I hope you bring me a poem. I hope it's about love. I like the ones you write about love and I secretly hope they're for me. November 18, you promised a poem on my birthday. I can't wait to see myself through your poetic perspective. I hope I'm beautiful. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. I feel a bit better already. You're so wonderful, I hate you. I hate you for being so kind to the dark, stormy cloud that is my mood today. You're always so kind, even when you're sassy. This is a pretty song. It reminds me of summer evenings, when I'm alone with the sunset and the house is quiet. I miss my piano, I miss your pixelated face through my laptop screen. No... no I don't. I can't miss you. You hurt me too much, you hurt everyone too much.

... It was my fault.