Let me start off by saying I am by no means a preacher, pastor, minister, or theologically trained person. I have never been to college. I chose to join the military instead. I am the guy sitting somewhere in the pews listening to my pastor try to explain to me why I should believe in Jesus. you have probably passed me dozens of times and never once realized that I am in one of the hardest struggles I have ever in my life had to deal with. Fortunately my struggle is not with drugs, alcohol, sex, lies, or any of the things we hear of on a day to day basis. I struggle with logic. That doesn't sound so bad does it. Let me tell you this is horrible. I want so badly to believe that God exists. I desperately want to know what it is like to have Jesus in my life. I have caught little glimpses. I have felt little stirrings deep inside only to have them slip away like water through my fingers. I've noticed that some people around me seem to be able to believe with out the slightest struggle. You tell them God and Jesus exist...and BAM! they are good to go. They are so filled with the spirit that they are ready to just run out and tell the world. I had that feeling when I was last baptized...it lasted about 24 hours then the doubts crept back in. Think logically Chris. There is no proof that God is real. What..a book? Written by fallible men, men who can be easily swayed by nothing more than a feeling. HA! That book is meaningless. Written 2000 years ago, copied, recopied, and copied again and again, from one language to the next and back. How can it possibly still hold the exact information and words from so long ago after so many people had touched replaced, and removed what they wanted. So the book is out. I can read it all day long but it holds no meaning to me. I have actually read through it several times in my search for true meaning. It hasn't helped. Someone I talked to once about this said "Well you just have to have faith." Great! I just have to make... myself.... believe. Ok...umm.. How? Thats where the trouble comes in for me. I have never been one to just take something and not want to take it apart. See what makes it tick. So that is what the purpose of this writing is. I want to take it apart, dig deeper than most. See what makes it tick. Rip out the unnecessary junk. Find the truth in the Truth.





Faith...what does that mean?
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