Do you know what it's like when you stand alone outside your house on a early Spring night?
It's mellow and twilight with just a little breeze and you're about to go in, but something inside you stops you. You look into the windows, all glowing yellow illuminated from the light within and framed by the growing darkness outside. Someone passes by, chatting inaudibly with someone else; they don't notice you standing outside in the blue dark.
The cat winds around your ankles, rubbing against your legs, tail sashaying as it paces from you to it's food bowl and back.
The trees are rustling in the wind but you don't even notice. You can sense the breeze and the sounds and all the other little things in the background, like the cicadas and crickets singing together, but it all falls away and all that captivates you are the windows and the people walking to and fro, talking, starting dinner and listening to the radio without you. Living a little bit of life without you. You hover on the edge of that uncertainty as you stand still in the growing dusk. You can't move. The people inside know you are outside, but they aren't thinking about you quite yet. It's as if time stands still for others while you go on in a timeless, quiet chaos of a place. It's comforting and sad all the same time.
This is my life. It is disconnected from everyone else, an uncanny longing that is a deep part of me that I just cannot tear myself away from. But I do not know if I even want to part from it.
I cannot help but cry as I stand in that Spring twilight.