I guess the question is, "Why do I have to compare myself with others?"
All my life, I wanted to be the best. I wanted approval, appraisal and acceptance. I compared myself with others, knowingly and unknowingly. It is so hard to just stop and think what I really want. I told myself many times that I would follow my dream and not give a damn of what others think. Yet, I'm here, doing my Master's, just as any one would predict.
You would think that a twenty-two-years-old college graduate would have a pretty good idea of who she is and what she wants. Meet me, and you would change your mind. Meet me, who just "goes with the flow", and you would wonder how someone could live with herself like that. Yes, I am a lazy bum who is sometimes too lazy to even think for herself.
But going for a Master's right after getting a B.S. is not only about me procrastinating finding an actual job. It's also competition. Five out of six students in my class are going for a Master's. I can't be left out. I had to go to the best school. Turned out that I did. It isn't because I was smarter than others. It was because I only applied to the best schools. I got into all of them, but only got funded by one. I only got funded because my professor helped me. How pathetic is that? It is as though I never got funding at all.
And here I am, suffering. All because I could not stand others having higher degrees than me. I am even thinking of getting a PhD. Sometimes, I feel like I am doing it because I know that there some of my friends will end up doing a PhD.
But I should not go that far... It is time for me to follow my own dreams...
What is it?
I have always told people that I wanted a real engineering job. Probably at a consultant company or a treatment plant. Anything related to my major and in San Francisco...
All my life, I wanted to be the best. I wanted approval, appraisal and acceptance. I compared myself with others, knowingly and unknowingly. It is so hard to just stop and think what I really want. I told myself many times that I would follow my dream and not give a damn of what others think. Yet, I'm here, doing my Master's, just as any one would predict.
You would think that a twenty-two-years-old college graduate would have a pretty good idea of who she is and what she wants. Meet me, and you would change your mind. Meet me, who just "goes with the flow", and you would wonder how someone could live with herself like that. Yes, I am a lazy bum who is sometimes too lazy to even think for herself.
But going for a Master's right after getting a B.S. is not only about me procrastinating finding an actual job. It's also competition. Five out of six students in my class are going for a Master's. I can't be left out. I had to go to the best school. Turned out that I did. It isn't because I was smarter than others. It was because I only applied to the best schools. I got into all of them, but only got funded by one. I only got funded because my professor helped me. How pathetic is that? It is as though I never got funding at all.
And here I am, suffering. All because I could not stand others having higher degrees than me. I am even thinking of getting a PhD. Sometimes, I feel like I am doing it because I know that there some of my friends will end up doing a PhD.
But I should not go that far... It is time for me to follow my own dreams...
What is it?
I have always told people that I wanted a real engineering job. Probably at a consultant company or a treatment plant. Anything related to my major and in San Francisco...
