Fact: I don't like admitting I'm a cat person, but I am. I love my cat. She's feisty. Sleepy, but feisty. But she's going to die before me, and that is rather upsetting. I'm pretty sure she'll make it as inconvenient as possible. Like, at three in the morning with her usual "feed me" antics. Only, this time it will be more inconvenient. She'll learn to talk. It'll be something she works up to, so I'm sure one of these nights I'll hear her practicing in the mirror, sounding eerily like my relatives, "Feminism Schmeminism. You could make more money as a gynecologist."
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Fact: According to the New York Times, some schools are discouraging students from having "best friends" in order to prevent cliques from forming, and bullying to become so prevalent. There's some who think this is a great idea-- I think people should elect best friends-- make it democratic.
Use the electoral college of the school cafeteria to vote. What should the ballot look like? Popular? Check. Will let me copy homework? Check.
I'd run. "I need the seventh grade vote because my resume's looking slim. My last job was extorting money for the Jonas Brothers. And though I specialized in swirlies and locker-jammings, I'd like to get really good at texting, and cyber-bullying as I'm trying to diversify my skill set. Plus, cheerleaders? You're all heifers if you don't vote for me. "
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Fact: When I’m especially premenstrual and feeling hideous I read the Missed Connections of Craigslist in my town. I write Missed Connections for myself online. But it’s a little scary. It’s like, what if I get a response, and it’s me, and then I freak out? I mean, what if she doesn’t like me? Like, she hates my haircut—because hers is exactly the same but parted on the other side. And she’s getting her Ph.D in English. And she dresses exactly like some disco librarian? And she corrects my grammar, and won’t stop talking about her cat, and I’m sure I can feel my internal organs rioting by slowly shutting down from boredom. I mean, I’ll probably hate her.
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Fact: My friend is 5'3 and has a DD bra size.
Figure: Hourglass.
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Fact: According to the New York Times, some schools are discouraging students from having "best friends" in order to prevent cliques from forming, and bullying to become so prevalent. There's some who think this is a great idea-- I think people should elect best friends-- make it democratic.
Use the electoral college of the school cafeteria to vote. What should the ballot look like? Popular? Check. Will let me copy homework? Check.
I'd run. "I need the seventh grade vote because my resume's looking slim. My last job was extorting money for the Jonas Brothers. And though I specialized in swirlies and locker-jammings, I'd like to get really good at texting, and cyber-bullying as I'm trying to diversify my skill set. Plus, cheerleaders? You're all heifers if you don't vote for me. "
____
Fact: When I’m especially premenstrual and feeling hideous I read the Missed Connections of Craigslist in my town. I write Missed Connections for myself online. But it’s a little scary. It’s like, what if I get a response, and it’s me, and then I freak out? I mean, what if she doesn’t like me? Like, she hates my haircut—because hers is exactly the same but parted on the other side. And she’s getting her Ph.D in English. And she dresses exactly like some disco librarian? And she corrects my grammar, and won’t stop talking about her cat, and I’m sure I can feel my internal organs rioting by slowly shutting down from boredom. I mean, I’ll probably hate her.
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Fact: My friend is 5'3 and has a DD bra size.
Figure: Hourglass.
