And now he's moving away again and even though I didn't see him that often, he was always my best link to the rest of the world. I should have called him more. I should have gone into town more. Taken the bus. Something.
The worst part is, I really *want* to be a part of the group. So badly that I would give up my easy lifestyle. To clarify, a few months ago, they were talking about wanting to find a house to rent, and they asked me to move in, too. The asked me to. And I felt so great at that point. And I really felt like they liked me a lot. But I am just so awkward. Whenever I am with them, not drinking, I am racking my brain for something clever to say. They just seem so much cooler than me. It feels so ridiculous to say, but I want to be cool, too, so very much. But I'm not. I'm just plain Jane. I'm just a plain Jane loner. And this is my life.
Stupid college. Even my best friend, who I thought would be there forever has her new super cool, fit college friends. I genuinely think that she doesn't like me anymore. Remember the fake 'gotta go'? Yeah. And then he told me how they all got together a few days ago and had a super awesome terrific time. For me, not even a measly facebook message.
Well, on the bright side, I can hang out with him now. He likes me, though, which is kind of lame because he just doesn't really seem like my type. I don't know, I guess I'll just get to know him a bit. And maybe I'll become friends with his brother, too. Then I'll have two friends. Cool. Whatever I do, I have to resist the temptation to fool around with him again. If I do, I know it will only be because I feel lonely and vulnerable, and I'll hate myself for it. Again.
He's texting me right now, and I have to say that I love it. Friends, though. Friends, friends, just friends. It's the way it has to be. Why? Because to be honest, I care way to much about what you two think of me, and I just don't think that he is someone that I would bring home to you. Nothing against him, really, he's just not... right for me. God that sounds terrible. It is terrible. Even more terrible, I'm really excited to see how this all turns out.
You know, I write this now and I sound, and kind of feel, completely hopeless, but, to be honest, I know everything will be okay. I think I might be being just a little over dramatic about the whole thing, but hey, I can feel things. I'm not completely robotic, as much as I'd love everyone to think that.
The worst part is, I really *want* to be a part of the group. So badly that I would give up my easy lifestyle. To clarify, a few months ago, they were talking about wanting to find a house to rent, and they asked me to move in, too. The asked me to. And I felt so great at that point. And I really felt like they liked me a lot. But I am just so awkward. Whenever I am with them, not drinking, I am racking my brain for something clever to say. They just seem so much cooler than me. It feels so ridiculous to say, but I want to be cool, too, so very much. But I'm not. I'm just plain Jane. I'm just a plain Jane loner. And this is my life.
Stupid college. Even my best friend, who I thought would be there forever has her new super cool, fit college friends. I genuinely think that she doesn't like me anymore. Remember the fake 'gotta go'? Yeah. And then he told me how they all got together a few days ago and had a super awesome terrific time. For me, not even a measly facebook message.
Well, on the bright side, I can hang out with him now. He likes me, though, which is kind of lame because he just doesn't really seem like my type. I don't know, I guess I'll just get to know him a bit. And maybe I'll become friends with his brother, too. Then I'll have two friends. Cool. Whatever I do, I have to resist the temptation to fool around with him again. If I do, I know it will only be because I feel lonely and vulnerable, and I'll hate myself for it. Again.
He's texting me right now, and I have to say that I love it. Friends, though. Friends, friends, just friends. It's the way it has to be. Why? Because to be honest, I care way to much about what you two think of me, and I just don't think that he is someone that I would bring home to you. Nothing against him, really, he's just not... right for me. God that sounds terrible. It is terrible. Even more terrible, I'm really excited to see how this all turns out.
You know, I write this now and I sound, and kind of feel, completely hopeless, but, to be honest, I know everything will be okay. I think I might be being just a little over dramatic about the whole thing, but hey, I can feel things. I'm not completely robotic, as much as I'd love everyone to think that.
