8/7
ive been very anxious today. i really want to smoke. it helps a lot...i havent been able to in a while...aint got no cash. i got a job but it doesnt start until the 30th. i had to ask meg to cover my half of the rent this month, thank god for her. im completely unhappy with life. i feel like its not getting better and hasnt been good in so long. i dont have anything to look forward to and nothing to work towards, its all going downhill. i have 17$ in my bank account and no gas in my car. i have a sore throat and i'm going to drink my problems away tonight. i'll hate myself in the morning for doing it, but i dont have any weed to make it better. i hope i dont have a break down tonight.
no matter what, when i smoke it makes it better. when you drink its as if your just flipping a coin. you'll either be a shitty drunk or a happy drunk. im not sure how i feel about tonight. i want to just go back to sleep and not wake up. no one understands how i feel. they think i want to kill myself. its not that i want to commit suicide, its that i just dont want to be alive anymore. who says things will get better. who knows if i will be happy again. no one knows, but thats all they say. it will get better, it always does. no! it doesnt! it hasnt gotten better. i had to deal with shitty migrains and headaches for so many years and then i get those to stop but it was a trade off with depression. not fair. some ppl are happy and dont get headaches. and i have to deal with this bullshit heath stuff that i dont want or deserve and wasnt warned about and didnt ask for. fuck this life.
ive been very anxious today. i really want to smoke. it helps a lot...i havent been able to in a while...aint got no cash. i got a job but it doesnt start until the 30th. i had to ask meg to cover my half of the rent this month, thank god for her. im completely unhappy with life. i feel like its not getting better and hasnt been good in so long. i dont have anything to look forward to and nothing to work towards, its all going downhill. i have 17$ in my bank account and no gas in my car. i have a sore throat and i'm going to drink my problems away tonight. i'll hate myself in the morning for doing it, but i dont have any weed to make it better. i hope i dont have a break down tonight.
no matter what, when i smoke it makes it better. when you drink its as if your just flipping a coin. you'll either be a shitty drunk or a happy drunk. im not sure how i feel about tonight. i want to just go back to sleep and not wake up. no one understands how i feel. they think i want to kill myself. its not that i want to commit suicide, its that i just dont want to be alive anymore. who says things will get better. who knows if i will be happy again. no one knows, but thats all they say. it will get better, it always does. no! it doesnt! it hasnt gotten better. i had to deal with shitty migrains and headaches for so many years and then i get those to stop but it was a trade off with depression. not fair. some ppl are happy and dont get headaches. and i have to deal with this bullshit heath stuff that i dont want or deserve and wasnt warned about and didnt ask for. fuck this life.
