I did nothing. I DO nothing. My life is a white wall covered in flies, constant reminders of the remnants of what was. My life used to be filled with slop and filth and excess. There used to be excitement and madness and anxiety. Anxiety is still present, but nothing else remains of that life. My shorter hair, acne scarred face, my fake veganism, my "new love". Well I do feel love, loved, I do feel I am partners with someone, but my life has become a wall of protection for him mainly. I lift him up, remain sturdy and in support of his whims and needs, but he is not my wall. My wall remains unbuilt. Never built, no blueprints, no plans. I will remain catching his fall, and he will remain leaning, falling, asking for assistance without asking. My prayers won't be answered, no one will ever truly care what happens to me, my life will keep crumbling with each assist. My existence will fade into white, blank, bleak, bland nothing. I will be a wall, broken bones and lost arguments, bruises, and tall shame. I will be your wall, I will forget myself. I will avoid my memories, and live through yours, be haunted by your loves, and forget mine, I will never remember that day in which that man showed me what he'd do to me. I will always implant my memories of that day into my brain in different ways. If I had walked that way instead, had it not been raining. What if he had dragged my body through the woods further. Smacked me harder. "I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU". His pants around his knees, mud on my own pulled down pants. Screaming, fighting, purple face. NO no I will forget that for you. Because I am your wall. and I am so much broken down already.