I know everyone says this, but I can't believe it's my senior year in college. I feel like I wrote my high school graduation speech six days ago, and days ago, I stood in front of 600 of my classmates, terrified, and somehow spoke into a microphone without fainting and managed to not look at myself on the jumbo screen.
I can't believe I'm 22. It seems so old; I can't feel like I'm 12 anymore. That means I'm about to have to be a big girl with a real people job and/or grad school, a real people mailbox to catch the real people bills, and a real people apartment. I wish I knew what I wanted to do. In high school, it was so easy -- it was always assumed I would go to college. I just had to choose where.
Now, a whole new world of opportunities lay in front of me, and I can't decipher what's best, what I should do, what I should choose. Grad school? Job? Find the love of my life online and marry him, never having to work, ever? Please? Move back to Dallas? Stay in Oklahoma? I just don't know. So, for now, I'm sitting on my hands and not doing anything.
It's times like these that I feel closest to God while feeling the farthest away from Him. I know whatever I'm supposed to do or be, I'll do or be, but this waiting game is the worst, and I hate not being in control. Maybe He's teaching me patience. I want to live a simple life, a meaningful life, a full life. I want to have a pretty apartment with pretty pillows and pretty bookshelves. I want to move on from all the shit in my childhood. I want to chisel away all the impurities and dark parts.
This is by far the easiest semester I've ever had, and it's my senior year. I don't understand how it happened, but I'm glad it did. I have no real Honors courses, no literature classes, no Senior Crapstone, as I "lovingly" called it last semester, and no more than two part-time jobs.
And I was doing so well this semester. I actually finished my homework BEFORE 10 minutes before class started, and I read everyday for class. I had started to forget that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life after graduation. Everything was going as well as it could go, minus the roommate situation. My roommate, Michael, (yes, she's a girl named Michael) and I had not been getting along Then the blizz happened. That is, the Blizzard of Oz, the snowpocalypse, the storm that changed the world. Down with the snow fell my work ethic. Yesterday, I stayed in my pajamas and on the couch all day. I watched three movies and did not see a human being all day. It was wonderful.
Then the snow melted, and the fears heated back up in me.
I can't believe I'm 22. It seems so old; I can't feel like I'm 12 anymore. That means I'm about to have to be a big girl with a real people job and/or grad school, a real people mailbox to catch the real people bills, and a real people apartment. I wish I knew what I wanted to do. In high school, it was so easy -- it was always assumed I would go to college. I just had to choose where.
Now, a whole new world of opportunities lay in front of me, and I can't decipher what's best, what I should do, what I should choose. Grad school? Job? Find the love of my life online and marry him, never having to work, ever? Please? Move back to Dallas? Stay in Oklahoma? I just don't know. So, for now, I'm sitting on my hands and not doing anything.
It's times like these that I feel closest to God while feeling the farthest away from Him. I know whatever I'm supposed to do or be, I'll do or be, but this waiting game is the worst, and I hate not being in control. Maybe He's teaching me patience. I want to live a simple life, a meaningful life, a full life. I want to have a pretty apartment with pretty pillows and pretty bookshelves. I want to move on from all the shit in my childhood. I want to chisel away all the impurities and dark parts.
This is by far the easiest semester I've ever had, and it's my senior year. I don't understand how it happened, but I'm glad it did. I have no real Honors courses, no literature classes, no Senior Crapstone, as I "lovingly" called it last semester, and no more than two part-time jobs.
And I was doing so well this semester. I actually finished my homework BEFORE 10 minutes before class started, and I read everyday for class. I had started to forget that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life after graduation. Everything was going as well as it could go, minus the roommate situation. My roommate, Michael, (yes, she's a girl named Michael) and I had not been getting along Then the blizz happened. That is, the Blizzard of Oz, the snowpocalypse, the storm that changed the world. Down with the snow fell my work ethic. Yesterday, I stayed in my pajamas and on the couch all day. I watched three movies and did not see a human being all day. It was wonderful.
Then the snow melted, and the fears heated back up in me.
