I think I have always believed in happily ever after's. I was never raised with the belief that everything would have a happy ending. In fact, I feel it was an innate part of me. In all actuality I think it was or rather is still a part of me. It's just I have become something of a cynic, and each day I smother and disguise my need for happy endings so as to not disappoint and crush my already downtrodden heart.
When I was younger I was the happy child, always smiling, always laughing. It was as if I was invincible at that young age. In all honesty it was probably my naivety that enabled me to laugh and brush off all my pain. Here I stand or rather sit, seventeen years later. Still that same girl who still desires with her whole heart her own fairy tale complete with a prince charming and a happily ever after. However, there is one difference between my younger self and my present self, and that is knowledge. I know that such a desire is unrealistic and highly improbable if not impossible. Perhaps that it why I struggle so much every day with the burdens that come with age and maturation. Yet despite knowing that such a wish is unrealistic I cannot but hope for a prince charming. I do not care for a fairy tale. I have plenty of my own issues which would probably become even more complicated with other fairy-tale-esque aspects. In actuality, I am even willing to surrender my hopes of a prince charming and even that of a knight-in-shining-armor. In fact there is only one thing I truly desire and that is a happily ever after. I cannot help but wonder is it truly that wrong of a desire? To hope for the best in the future that I cannot see, do not know, or possibly may never come to pass.
I was obstinately optimistic younger, or perhaps I had chosen the path of ignorance and denial. It was always there, something saying everything was changing, albeit slowly but it was changing. I went from obstinately optimistic to indignantly pessimistic, thrown into the real world by means of a public school. My eyes have just truly been open a few years ago. I feel at this point, I am neither optimistic or pessimistic, I can be either if I really choose to because it's easy to point out the bad just as easy as it is to point out the good. Perhaps on this whole journey of positives and negatives I have finally settled on the happy medium of realistic. Yet, with all my romantic notions, I fear I have not reached realistic but rather idealistic. I'm still a child, I may be just a step away from eighteen. In less than half a year I become a legal adult, well at least in the United States where I live, do I become a legal adult.
Am I ready for it? I should think not. I am still surrounded by my childish desires, of my constant need for affection. I tend to go more on impulse rather than think upon the outcomes and their consequences. I throw fits when things don't go my way. I get annoyed when people don't meet my expectations. But most of all I still cry because I am still very much as lost as I was several years ago, I just never realized it until now.
When I was younger I was the happy child, always smiling, always laughing. It was as if I was invincible at that young age. In all honesty it was probably my naivety that enabled me to laugh and brush off all my pain. Here I stand or rather sit, seventeen years later. Still that same girl who still desires with her whole heart her own fairy tale complete with a prince charming and a happily ever after. However, there is one difference between my younger self and my present self, and that is knowledge. I know that such a desire is unrealistic and highly improbable if not impossible. Perhaps that it why I struggle so much every day with the burdens that come with age and maturation. Yet despite knowing that such a wish is unrealistic I cannot but hope for a prince charming. I do not care for a fairy tale. I have plenty of my own issues which would probably become even more complicated with other fairy-tale-esque aspects. In actuality, I am even willing to surrender my hopes of a prince charming and even that of a knight-in-shining-armor. In fact there is only one thing I truly desire and that is a happily ever after. I cannot help but wonder is it truly that wrong of a desire? To hope for the best in the future that I cannot see, do not know, or possibly may never come to pass.
I was obstinately optimistic younger, or perhaps I had chosen the path of ignorance and denial. It was always there, something saying everything was changing, albeit slowly but it was changing. I went from obstinately optimistic to indignantly pessimistic, thrown into the real world by means of a public school. My eyes have just truly been open a few years ago. I feel at this point, I am neither optimistic or pessimistic, I can be either if I really choose to because it's easy to point out the bad just as easy as it is to point out the good. Perhaps on this whole journey of positives and negatives I have finally settled on the happy medium of realistic. Yet, with all my romantic notions, I fear I have not reached realistic but rather idealistic. I'm still a child, I may be just a step away from eighteen. In less than half a year I become a legal adult, well at least in the United States where I live, do I become a legal adult.
Am I ready for it? I should think not. I am still surrounded by my childish desires, of my constant need for affection. I tend to go more on impulse rather than think upon the outcomes and their consequences. I throw fits when things don't go my way. I get annoyed when people don't meet my expectations. But most of all I still cry because I am still very much as lost as I was several years ago, I just never realized it until now.
