even) I sent him a text saying, "Im going to bed early. ill talk to you tomorrow"
I didnt say "I love you" like I usually do.
I felt so stupid and selfish and everything else. I sobbed a little in my bed and I can't think of why because after all, it WAS my fault for being so damn demanding and selfish and expecting him to answer everything I ask. I have to stop doing that.
This morning when I checked my email and AIM (my status was "And this is why theres sleep. im so selfish. my emotions are going to be the death of me"), I had a comment on my status from him. He said how he was so stupid for falling asleep when I needed him. That I'm not selfish. That he feels so horrible. I felt like crying again because I didn't want him to feel that way. Then the email I got had a link to a song. The email read, "if the [impending] texts apologizing profusely arent enough, here" He linked the lyrics of Say Anything by Good Charlotte. I felt like crying even more. The last thing I got from last night when I was asleep and he woke up was a text saying he was so so so so so so so so so so sorry he fell asleep. How he let me down. How he feels like shit. How he hopes that Im not angry with him...even though I had every right to be.
I'm NOT angry with him. I'm just upset. I guess he wasn't there when I needed him, but it wasn't his fault. It was mine for taking so long with Algebra and because even though he had one of his finals yesterday, I expected him to be up and awake just for me. I really am selfish. It gets me sick sometimes.
________
I really have to be strong now. The managment of my building is trying to take Phoenix away from me. No. I will NOT let it happen. My mom and I are doing every single thing in our power. He is part of our family. I love him so much. As I lay across my couch, Phoenix is sprawled out the way I am, reading everything I right a sticking his nose in my side. He's too cute sometimes.
I didnt say "I love you" like I usually do.
I felt so stupid and selfish and everything else. I sobbed a little in my bed and I can't think of why because after all, it WAS my fault for being so damn demanding and selfish and expecting him to answer everything I ask. I have to stop doing that.
This morning when I checked my email and AIM (my status was "And this is why theres sleep. im so selfish. my emotions are going to be the death of me"), I had a comment on my status from him. He said how he was so stupid for falling asleep when I needed him. That I'm not selfish. That he feels so horrible. I felt like crying again because I didn't want him to feel that way. Then the email I got had a link to a song. The email read, "if the [impending] texts apologizing profusely arent enough, here" He linked the lyrics of Say Anything by Good Charlotte. I felt like crying even more. The last thing I got from last night when I was asleep and he woke up was a text saying he was so so so so so so so so so so sorry he fell asleep. How he let me down. How he feels like shit. How he hopes that Im not angry with him...even though I had every right to be.
I'm NOT angry with him. I'm just upset. I guess he wasn't there when I needed him, but it wasn't his fault. It was mine for taking so long with Algebra and because even though he had one of his finals yesterday, I expected him to be up and awake just for me. I really am selfish. It gets me sick sometimes.
________
I really have to be strong now. The managment of my building is trying to take Phoenix away from me. No. I will NOT let it happen. My mom and I are doing every single thing in our power. He is part of our family. I love him so much. As I lay across my couch, Phoenix is sprawled out the way I am, reading everything I right a sticking his nose in my side. He's too cute sometimes.
