I wish I were able to find my words; words in which that I could tell you everything and where you could understand what I mean and how I feel. I don't know if you could do that because I don't think anyone could; not my friends not you not anyone. I wish more than anything I could explain myself but I can't. I try and try but I just can't. It's like I'm trying to prove something or prove myself, which is silly because I shouldn't have to prove myself. And to what anyways? Because there's nothing to prove myself to. Am I just trying to prove myself to me? I do not know how to explain it. It hurts more than anything. This is why I cry when I break down and it seems stupid but I hate life sometimes. It's just not fair. I've been trying to find myself throughout the past five years and sometimes I just feel like I will never be good enough. Is that fair? I don't even know myself, I.don't.even.know. Why can't I be good enough? Why can't I have the normal emotional stability of a normal person, "persay", and just live my life? There are no words to describe how that makes me feel. I try so hard to be good enough but nothing is enough. Then there comes the pressure and I just can't take it any longer and I can't do it. I just can't. This is why I need to get out to find that person, to be me. This is what I've been trying to tell you but I know if I let these words roll off my tongue and let them seep into your ears, I know that I will cry and I wouldn't be able to hold it together. So I'm saying now that I need you to understand. I need everyone, the world, to understand.