I think the next person I meet, I'm going to introduce me as "the girl who doesn't have a name." Nameless. Maybe that should be my name from now on, I mean, it has a nice ring to it. And then, maybe people won't judge me on who they think I am, or who they think I could become. Because I'm tired of unspoken expectations. But sometimes I'm thankful, I guess- for people who believe in me. And sometimes those expectations motivate me. They convince me that at least some people out there, somewhere, have time to believe in me. But I think that people should tell me what they expect from me because it's hard to work up to something that you don't even know exists. It's hard to live up to something that you don't even expect from yourself.
I think that maybe you'd like me, if you met me. But I'm not sure, because what if I don't like talking- because I don't. Because sometimes I like to hear to silence of my thoughts, and I like listening to what others have to say. Would you still talk to me? Comfort me? Because I think that I need someone who doesn't need words to know what I want to talk about. Maybe I need someone who doesn't need noise to understand what I'm thinking.
And I think that people should stop complaining about the problems that they don't want me to fix. I think that would be nice, because it's frustrating when I'm willing to help, but no one's willing to let me try. It's frustrating when I have so much that I want to tell you- like, you're wonderful, and inspiring, and absolutely perfect just the way you are- but no one will stand to hear it. I don't know why though. Maybe they don't believe it. Or maybe they just don't want to hear it from someone like me. Or maybe they already know what they expect from themselves, and they already know who they are.
But I think, that maybe, maybe if people focused less on what could have been, and focused more on what could be, then people wouldn't have to worry about how badly they failed themselves. Maybe they'd focus more on how to move on and get over their mistakes. Maybe they'd actually just learn.
But I'm a hypocrite, because I complain all the time, and I am scarred and restricted by who I used to be. And sometimes, I think it's too late to start over.
May 24th 2010
I think that maybe you'd like me, if you met me. But I'm not sure, because what if I don't like talking- because I don't. Because sometimes I like to hear to silence of my thoughts, and I like listening to what others have to say. Would you still talk to me? Comfort me? Because I think that I need someone who doesn't need words to know what I want to talk about. Maybe I need someone who doesn't need noise to understand what I'm thinking.
And I think that people should stop complaining about the problems that they don't want me to fix. I think that would be nice, because it's frustrating when I'm willing to help, but no one's willing to let me try. It's frustrating when I have so much that I want to tell you- like, you're wonderful, and inspiring, and absolutely perfect just the way you are- but no one will stand to hear it. I don't know why though. Maybe they don't believe it. Or maybe they just don't want to hear it from someone like me. Or maybe they already know what they expect from themselves, and they already know who they are.
But I think, that maybe, maybe if people focused less on what could have been, and focused more on what could be, then people wouldn't have to worry about how badly they failed themselves. Maybe they'd focus more on how to move on and get over their mistakes. Maybe they'd actually just learn.
But I'm a hypocrite, because I complain all the time, and I am scarred and restricted by who I used to be. And sometimes, I think it's too late to start over.
May 24th 2010
