it has recently come to my attention that my love, significant other, whatever of the last five years no longer desires to hold that position. what's pretty incredible is the reason he is giving me...which is...drum roll please...wait for it...his job. which is so demanding it renders him unable to commit fully to a relationship. i wasn't aware that such a thing could occur...and due to my lack of understanding he feels i have been disrespctful. he actually got very upset with me because i had the nerve to have an emotional expression as he was ripping my heart out. what's even more interesting is that this shouldn't be a shock to me. this wouldn't be the first time his lack of emotion or a heart or pulse for that matter left me in a pile of tears...in fact i've spent the better part of the past 5 years crying over something he did or said or didn't do or didn't say. and so why oh why am i so hurt about this breakup? you would think i'd be relieved...but somehow i feel totally broken by it and unable to fully recover.
i am sad and broken. depressed. discarded. but i promised him i would do my best to fade to black and never breach the subject again. with him. i will keep my feelings to myself and try to work through things as best i can without him. it his heartbreaking but what are my options?
i now know that it is most important for me to make quick decisions about this house and move on with my life. he will need to understand exactly how much i need per month for the 1.5 year agreement and i need to close off my heart to him. i so desparately wanted him to love and cherish me...but he did not and does not and i need to let him go and let go of the idea of what we had. it's over. i need to face that. it's over. it's over. it's over. it's over.
you never imagine in the beginning that an end will come. beginnings are ripe with expectation and hope and ripe with hopefulness. the end is draining and withering to the soul and leaves you questioning everything. you begin to ask wonder if that person ever really loved you at all because if they did they couldn't bring themselves to rip your soul to pieces right? they couldn't bring themselves to wrench your heart out of your chest cavity and slam it to the ground in one swift motion...that which is accompanied by the words "it's over". is this the same person who you have shared your life with? your love with? your heart with? this is now the murderder of your soul...how can it be? that the very person that once promised to love you forever and to infinity has decided to walk out?
they say you cannot make your heart do something it doesn't want to. i suppose when that person has lost the love, everything around it dies. and so i say to my lost love, that i have no regrets other than the obvious. i have learned a great deal and my heart has experienced great joy and extreme sadness, but most of all it has felt true love. and to my lost love i say...goodbye.
i am sad and broken. depressed. discarded. but i promised him i would do my best to fade to black and never breach the subject again. with him. i will keep my feelings to myself and try to work through things as best i can without him. it his heartbreaking but what are my options?
i now know that it is most important for me to make quick decisions about this house and move on with my life. he will need to understand exactly how much i need per month for the 1.5 year agreement and i need to close off my heart to him. i so desparately wanted him to love and cherish me...but he did not and does not and i need to let him go and let go of the idea of what we had. it's over. i need to face that. it's over. it's over. it's over. it's over.
you never imagine in the beginning that an end will come. beginnings are ripe with expectation and hope and ripe with hopefulness. the end is draining and withering to the soul and leaves you questioning everything. you begin to ask wonder if that person ever really loved you at all because if they did they couldn't bring themselves to rip your soul to pieces right? they couldn't bring themselves to wrench your heart out of your chest cavity and slam it to the ground in one swift motion...that which is accompanied by the words "it's over". is this the same person who you have shared your life with? your love with? your heart with? this is now the murderder of your soul...how can it be? that the very person that once promised to love you forever and to infinity has decided to walk out?
they say you cannot make your heart do something it doesn't want to. i suppose when that person has lost the love, everything around it dies. and so i say to my lost love, that i have no regrets other than the obvious. i have learned a great deal and my heart has experienced great joy and extreme sadness, but most of all it has felt true love. and to my lost love i say...goodbye.
