Angel's Journal: I think he truly may love me. He won't say it, but that is partially just because of who he is. He is... Well he is Alex to be simple. He claims that all he has ever loved was his dog. His ex wife he once thought he loved, but that was more about creating something normal after getting back from the war. He has talked about it a surprising amount. Juice told me about the fact that Tigger keeps himself closed off from the rest of the world... But things are odd with us. From all the things that the guys have told me a few months ago about Tigger, well, none of them seem to have been the truth. I don't think they lied to me, hell I know that Chibby wouldn't, but just the way that he acts is nothing like I would have expected. I was told he is just a fuck 'em and leave 'em type of man, but, when he is with me... It isn't like that. We aren't dating... but we are... but well... I don't know. We are together, but not really... well.. I feel like a teen writing about her first boyfriend. Damn it, I am a twenty-one year old who has had multiple boyfriends. Tig though, he is different. When I walked into the Clubhouse the first time, well it was with the knowledge that Tig would want to fuck, but that would be it. I was okay with that, surprising to myself even. But... He was sore, brought me to his room to give him a backrub... he just didn't let me leave that night. He told me the others were not allowed to touch me, he said he was going to warn them... Chibs asked me outright if something unusual happened between Tig and me, I told him. He was shocked... It was an odd few days, I will be honest. The guys were all odd about me... Then one day in the bar he told them to cut the shit. It was odd. Every time he would kiss me there would be some reaction back then... It was really strange. I heard Chibs yell at Juice about it, after that things were fine. Wow, I have no sense of staying on one thing... I can't believe I have known him six weeks. I know that is a short time period to fall in love with someone, but I think he is in love with me, and I know that I am truly and deeply in love. Thinking of him makes me take a deep breath... Makes me not think of everything that has happened.
I miss her... she was my best friend in grade school and on... She was supposed to be my maid of honor if I ever got married... Why the fuck did who ever the fuck is around here have to take her... D., I miss you... I wish I could bring you back or kill the motherfucker that took you from my life. I love you my friend, and though I don't know where you are now... I hope you know that I am always going to honor your memory... I miss you so much... Fuck, I need to go see Tig... fuck...