Dear Ben,
I wish I still had the note you wrote - the ones that said you were "so in like" with me. You left me with alot of questions and I wish I still had your note to remind me that something real was there - whatever it was. All I have is this goddamn giftcard and a bunch of songs that won't ever feel the way they did when you played them. The longer you're gone the more I see how big your life was and what a small part I played in it. You meant so much to me, and I'm not sure I was ever able to return the favor.

I wish you were here to talk to. I wish you were here to feel things with. I guess that's one thing we shared - I know we could both sit and feel a song. Maybe that was all in my head. Maybe it was just me feeling it all along. But nobody in this town feels anything. Not the way I do or the way we did. I wish we had made love just once so I could show you all the things I felt - not just for you, but also the things I felt because of you. It would have been a beautiful thing...and, yes, it would have been hot. I wish I had not been so stubborn. I can't imagine any pain you could have caused me that would be as painful as this unrequited love.

I'm no idealist. I know your heart wasn't always in the right place, but you have a good soul. And I miss being around it. I love you, Nugget.