It was him.
It was his eyes, his voice, his touch and smell that would forever haunt me.
I never once imagined that all of it would come back so quickly, so viciously, a reminder of the past and promise of the future, just when I was doing well enough to start to forget about it.
My father asks me what was wrong. I shake my head, not trusting my voice. Father only knew half of the story. If he knew all of it, he would have jumped out of the car and attacked him. Killed him.
I would not have my father become a murderer for scum like that.
We stop at a stoplight, our car idle, spitting more smog into the atmosphere. He is on a bicycle, and stops next to us, not yet noticing me. I close my eyes briefly, longing for him to keep his eyes on the stoplight, longing for him not to recognize me...
"Destiny?"
His voice makes the memories worse, the pain. I open my eyes and glance at him. He looks the same. Black hair, long and lanky and greasy, like he hadn't taken a shower in a few days, only it had always been like that even right after he showered. Soulless black eyes, eyes that looked at me and through me and knew everything, just like I did. The blocky stature, the strong arms and hands, the body that was heavy and way too familiar...
And the lips. The lips that now smile at me, a little knowing smirk that told me he knew my heart was pounding in my chest, my flight instinct telling me to get out of the car and run as fast as I could away from him, from everything I feared and hated.
I look at him. I am determined not to confirm his guesses on how I'm reacting to him.
"Joe."
The light turns green, and my father speeds away faster than Joe can take off. I watch him get smaller and smaller and smaller in the mirror.
We turn a corner, and he's gone from sight.
But my memories are still as strong as ever, and that is something I cannot escape. Ever.
It was his eyes, his voice, his touch and smell that would forever haunt me.
I never once imagined that all of it would come back so quickly, so viciously, a reminder of the past and promise of the future, just when I was doing well enough to start to forget about it.
My father asks me what was wrong. I shake my head, not trusting my voice. Father only knew half of the story. If he knew all of it, he would have jumped out of the car and attacked him. Killed him.
I would not have my father become a murderer for scum like that.
We stop at a stoplight, our car idle, spitting more smog into the atmosphere. He is on a bicycle, and stops next to us, not yet noticing me. I close my eyes briefly, longing for him to keep his eyes on the stoplight, longing for him not to recognize me...
"Destiny?"
His voice makes the memories worse, the pain. I open my eyes and glance at him. He looks the same. Black hair, long and lanky and greasy, like he hadn't taken a shower in a few days, only it had always been like that even right after he showered. Soulless black eyes, eyes that looked at me and through me and knew everything, just like I did. The blocky stature, the strong arms and hands, the body that was heavy and way too familiar...
And the lips. The lips that now smile at me, a little knowing smirk that told me he knew my heart was pounding in my chest, my flight instinct telling me to get out of the car and run as fast as I could away from him, from everything I feared and hated.
I look at him. I am determined not to confirm his guesses on how I'm reacting to him.
"Joe."
The light turns green, and my father speeds away faster than Joe can take off. I watch him get smaller and smaller and smaller in the mirror.
We turn a corner, and he's gone from sight.
But my memories are still as strong as ever, and that is something I cannot escape. Ever.
