I know its just my mind, but maybe i need to consider settling through the use of medications. Its not that i think im losing it or anything, but sometimes i think i see things, flashes, glimpses of something i cant quite put my finger on.
I know that cant be the relation of the situation, so it has to be my mind.
I felt like i was slowly fading. I started trembling, my face w
july 28th 2010
I feel like i want to die. Not in the dramatic sense its taken on, but just plainly and simply, die.
There is not one good thing about my life. I have a job, that im sure to lose. I have a girlfriend, who acts like im the most horrible person in the world most days, interest seems to fade day by day, by day. My family life is non-existent. That is to say, my mother is a shell of a person and the mere sight of her, depresses me. The person she used to be transformed by nothing else than a bad streak of luck, into a mentally fleeting, weak person. No, i do not hold that much resentment towards her. Although there will always be a part of me, that child inside, that cannot forget what i have gone through with her, the memories of pain and verbal, and sometimes physical abuse when i was younger. I only feel sadness when i see her and a hopelessness sings from her eyes that reassures me i will never have that motherly connection, that nurturing, that feeling of real and true love from a parent. I have no friends i can look to for words of comfort, even a distraction. When i wake up in the morning, still dazed from the barraged of horrible dreams i have every night, i think this must still be a living nightmare. i secretly wish ive just been in a coma and have been lucid dreaming, and one day, ill wake up, around age 7 or 8 and live my life the way i couldve and shouldve.
I know that cant be the relation of the situation, so it has to be my mind.
I felt like i was slowly fading. I started trembling, my face w
july 28th 2010
I feel like i want to die. Not in the dramatic sense its taken on, but just plainly and simply, die.
There is not one good thing about my life. I have a job, that im sure to lose. I have a girlfriend, who acts like im the most horrible person in the world most days, interest seems to fade day by day, by day. My family life is non-existent. That is to say, my mother is a shell of a person and the mere sight of her, depresses me. The person she used to be transformed by nothing else than a bad streak of luck, into a mentally fleeting, weak person. No, i do not hold that much resentment towards her. Although there will always be a part of me, that child inside, that cannot forget what i have gone through with her, the memories of pain and verbal, and sometimes physical abuse when i was younger. I only feel sadness when i see her and a hopelessness sings from her eyes that reassures me i will never have that motherly connection, that nurturing, that feeling of real and true love from a parent. I have no friends i can look to for words of comfort, even a distraction. When i wake up in the morning, still dazed from the barraged of horrible dreams i have every night, i think this must still be a living nightmare. i secretly wish ive just been in a coma and have been lucid dreaming, and one day, ill wake up, around age 7 or 8 and live my life the way i couldve and shouldve.
