What I like most about my early mornings is the first lit cig on the front porch. My still worn-out body creeps and saunters to the front door where I click the lock and turn the knob. Blinding sunlight pierces through my squinted eyes and summer fragrances flow into my nostrils. The sun is rising and birds are vocalizing. At first, none of this is important. What I focus on intently is the coarse flint of my black plastic lighter as I bring it up to the fag that is delicately and symmetrically balanced between my fleshy flaps. I pull hard on the cigarette and, while I pocket my fire, bring forth thick blue smoke into my mouth just before I snap it quickly into my lungs.

Billows of smoke roll out of my puckered lips as my head raises and I gaze into the beautiful morning sun. I am reminded once again that I am a human being. The nicotine has singed into my brain, the fact that I am Bradley Tennelhoff. The reminder has sprung into my head the true nature of my life:I am fucking incredible.

You may or may not have heard of me. Although I wouldn't mind either way. I know that I don't know you. If I don't know you than your importance is no matter. You are but one of another billion of entities that follow and adore my every movement.

But oh the second drag. This second puff whips me back to reality, from my still-lingering dream-state. I am not Bradley Tennelhoff of fame happiness and fortune. I am Bradley Tennelhoff; self-employed Large Animal Insemenist. I own a homemade cryobank in my basement. Bovine, mule, horse, and llama sperm are all stored there.

The third drag. Fuck the third drag! This time I pull a strong deep rolling ball of smoke deep into my lungs. The cough is especially painful but grounds me. I am Jeremy Tennelhoff of fame and fortune, and I took way to much acid last night!