It was five months after you were dead that my tongue first slipped and I said your name instead of someone else's. I thought long and hard about what that meant, and I think it means that I'm coming to terms with living without you.

It's horrible and cliche, but music is really helping me get back to feeling okay. I used to sing to you a lot. "You are my sunshine / my only sunshine / you make me happy / when skies are gray / you'll never know dear / how much I love you / so please don't take my sunshine away" is the main one that I'd sing to you.

Now when I hear a song about deep feelings of love, you're the only thing I can think about. I break down and cry, sometimes for hours. It's not because I miss you, so much as I feel all the love I have for you still inside of me and it's so much emotion... I can't explain what it means to me to know that I am capable of feeling so much love, like a burning fire in my chest.

Love. More than I can contain. It pours out my eyes when I think of you.

I love you. I love. Love.

There is so much love.