I lost another cellphone recently. Unfortunately, unlike the other phones that were bought for me specifically, this last one was a loan from my stepmother who started the joke that I had a habit of "giving phones away". Cue the shame and self-loathing for being reckless and irresponsible. I felt so terribly anxious about informing my parents regarding the lost phone, it translated to physical illness. My anxiety manifested itself in a low-grade fever yesterday, making me feel lethargic and even more afraid to tell my parents. I'm 24 years old yet the loss of a valuable can reduce me to feeling like I'm back to being my simpering 12-year old self. Before that onslaught of panic, I felt a sense of relief (if I can even call it that - I believe I was subconsciously trying to console myself) over my loss. I had just read Thoreau's Walden and have always been trying to streamline my life in terms of material objects and otherwise. I wanted to try and carry on without a cellphone but it proved to be too difficult, what with school work and coordinating schedules to pick me up. I went back to an old, faulty, obsolete model which I hope nobody will try to swipe. It's odd that the holidays can bring out the worst in people by making them realize how much wealth they supposedly lack to be able to enjoy a proper Christmas.
So, back to my little moment of clarity upon losing my phone: I was no longer reachable by the people who had my number but I did not want to get in contact with. I found a simcard that had the old school 0917 from way back when. I wanted to live off the grid and losing my phone seemed like Step 1. The universe did it for me. I don't want another cellphone. It's just more bait for assholes who like to steal and godammit, I am so tired of being their target.
Are you materialistic? Do you like being up to date with the newest model of phone? If you are, I don't think we can be friends. The moment you show off, I will have to fight the overpowering urge to grab it and hurl it to the ground. I'm not jealous, you see. It's just sad to think that a little bundle of wires and circuit boards make you feel like a better person. Isn't that feeling supposed to come from yourself?
Note to self: throw out things I don't need and things that don't need me. This is not limited to material possessions.
So, back to my little moment of clarity upon losing my phone: I was no longer reachable by the people who had my number but I did not want to get in contact with. I found a simcard that had the old school 0917 from way back when. I wanted to live off the grid and losing my phone seemed like Step 1. The universe did it for me. I don't want another cellphone. It's just more bait for assholes who like to steal and godammit, I am so tired of being their target.
Are you materialistic? Do you like being up to date with the newest model of phone? If you are, I don't think we can be friends. The moment you show off, I will have to fight the overpowering urge to grab it and hurl it to the ground. I'm not jealous, you see. It's just sad to think that a little bundle of wires and circuit boards make you feel like a better person. Isn't that feeling supposed to come from yourself?
Note to self: throw out things I don't need and things that don't need me. This is not limited to material possessions.
