What's could she say? She was a lawless, godless soul--adrift among people who had it together, pretended to have it together, or was completely falling apart. Maybe she cared too much about comparing herself to other people. Maybe she didn't care at all. She did know that she messed up all the time, wanted to make it better, but went right back to the habit that made her a sinner and a the bad person she thought herself to be. She was so scared that one day they were all going to drop the blind fold and see for themselves her true self-whatever that may be. It humbled her to think that she was no better than any one else, at least that is what her momma taught her. Of course, you would be no better either. She was never good at anything, only mediocre at things that really didn't matter. Did the world really need an fat girl who could play tennis O.K.? Doubtful. She wished she could be good at some things, like singing or acting. Something that would garner her the attention that she felt she deserved. Or maybe she didn't really deserve anything. What was she really worth--nothing. But she was smart...she would give herself that. She could get herself out of many situations just by pretending to be the sweet one. She would never harm a fly, they would think when starting to think she had done something to dissuade them from reality. She was a good manipulator of situations, making sure the situations turn out her way. Because it they didn't, her world was rocked and she didn't like that very much. She liked her world to be clean and straight--no curves or bumps. She could handle the bumps and the curves with finesse, but why put up with the hassle? That's what life really was---not a gift or a trip=--one big effing hassle. Putting up with taxes and assholes for what? Well, because maybe her return check will be substantial enough that she can buy a new bathing suit that will somewhat hide her gut. And some of those assholes might just understand the hassle she's going through because they, themselves, may be going through something similar too. Nothing just like what's she's going through, of course, but close. And close will be good enough....until....well, she doesn't know the until part. She's still figuring out the until part.