Today is a day of being lost, of feeling alone and with a slight twist of the despair that has become so familiar to me the last months. It is time to start writing, to follow the way of the written word as if my own words would provide me with answers. There are no answers, at least it seems like answers are not for those trying to find truth in the past. All the answers lie ahead into the future, no matter how much we try to figure them out. Life has a way of changing and when you least expect it, life has become something strange and alien.

How to pursue the dreams of our minds if we no longer no what they are?

In fact, the dreams are not the true essence of what is important - the pursuit of happiness is. It is our idea that our dreams are the answers to this happiness, but if the dreams suddenly become blurred, how can I find that happiness?

What would that happiness look like? What would be the taste of it? Is it as simple as being with the one or is it just something we tell ourselves that we are when we have reached our goals, our dreams?

I should go and buy some wine to infuse these thoughts with and perhaps tonight is the night when I start writing a new novel. Should I rewrite my previous attempt or write something completely new? It's a weird lonely life and I managed to make it complicated too. I have to take into account other aspects of life, responsibilities and results from my actions.

It is beginning of summer and I can't enjoy the present, I find myself looking forward to a time when it is cold but when I hopefully have a place i Malmö - my own place to build from, right now I am building my life from no place with no money and a mind lost somewhere between a circumnavigation and the sudden news of a child coming which is mine but with a woman I don't know.