Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here. Not in a depressed "I am worthless" sort of way, mind you. More of a "I don't think I'm supposed to be here" kind of way. I see things. Or rather, I see EVERYthing. Too much. The possibilities, the potential, the components, I see it all and I try to take it all in. But I can't. It's too much, I get distracted by the future, but the end, but what could be, and even in the process of my calculating I get so wrapped up that I can't see whats happening now, what's tangible in the present. Whats outside my head.
The things in my head aren't exactly tangable themselves though. Crazy things. More logical crazy than kill-your-family crazy. The fact that the idea of "kill-your-family crazy" came to my mind proves that those kind of ideas are in there, though. What is "logical crazy" one might ask? I know most people have seen it. Its following a procedure, a set of ideas or rules, and feeling bound and compelled to adhere to and defend them as long as you can. Obssessive Compulsive, almost. When I was younger I actually wished I had OCD, so I could be more organized, more efficient, more streamline. In someways I've already embraced these traits.
I am at heart an analyst. I say at heart rather than mind because I am unfortunately driven by emotion more than I am logic. Its one of the downfalls of being a human being; I can plan and think and map out everything to whatever level I desire, but in the end, emotion and other small factors will come together to eccentuate flaws within those plans. As you can imagine, this gets frustrating.
The things in my head aren't exactly tangable themselves though. Crazy things. More logical crazy than kill-your-family crazy. The fact that the idea of "kill-your-family crazy" came to my mind proves that those kind of ideas are in there, though. What is "logical crazy" one might ask? I know most people have seen it. Its following a procedure, a set of ideas or rules, and feeling bound and compelled to adhere to and defend them as long as you can. Obssessive Compulsive, almost. When I was younger I actually wished I had OCD, so I could be more organized, more efficient, more streamline. In someways I've already embraced these traits.
I am at heart an analyst. I say at heart rather than mind because I am unfortunately driven by emotion more than I am logic. Its one of the downfalls of being a human being; I can plan and think and map out everything to whatever level I desire, but in the end, emotion and other small factors will come together to eccentuate flaws within those plans. As you can imagine, this gets frustrating.
