Chaos is humanities natural form, it's the natural form of the world we have created. Yet she hates it. She feels as if she will drown in chaos, that everything is too messy. How much better would everything be if she could just start over. Everything would have a perfect place and fit into that place perfectly.
It's life and human nature the get in the way of simplicity. Nature isn't chaotic. Well that's a lie but it's a different kind of chaos than the kind that makes her mind feel cluttered. Nature's chaos is a quiet kind of chaos, one that does make the noise that humanity's chaos does. Its the kind of chaos that calming in the same way that the sounds of the ocean send you to sleep.
It's the chaos of her mind that haunts her the most. It's inescapable. It makes her feel as if she will never have her life together. If only she could control her own mind, organise it, order it. Then would she have peace from this chaos? Her mind is too fast, holds too much, is so inconceivably complex that the tangled mess of her mind is the only possible way for it to exist.
She feels as if her soul is bursting with potential. She knows that she could achieve so much if only she could harness her potential. The chaos of her mind stops her from doing that. It's preventing her from becoming amazing, from living her life, from completing this damn essay. She battles, she really has to fight against her chaotic mind in order to live everyday.
She knows that it's her mind that makes everyday a struggle, she knows that it's all in her head. To her though it's more real than a brick wall, solid, unbreakable, a barrier. Why is her brain working against her? Why does it have to be so fucking hard? If she could just let go of the disabling feeling that the chaos gives her then she could be happy, she could focus. She can't though.
Focus is something that would takeover in an absence of chaos. It's a gas that flows and expands into every chaos free space. If only she could focus she could learn french, practice the piano, become widely read, and hold thought out opinions about everything. But the chaos gets in the way and she can barely focus enough to get through the day, let alone become a well read woman with lots of skills.
She knows that she can achieve all of this if she could just rid her mind of chaos.
It's life and human nature the get in the way of simplicity. Nature isn't chaotic. Well that's a lie but it's a different kind of chaos than the kind that makes her mind feel cluttered. Nature's chaos is a quiet kind of chaos, one that does make the noise that humanity's chaos does. Its the kind of chaos that calming in the same way that the sounds of the ocean send you to sleep.
It's the chaos of her mind that haunts her the most. It's inescapable. It makes her feel as if she will never have her life together. If only she could control her own mind, organise it, order it. Then would she have peace from this chaos? Her mind is too fast, holds too much, is so inconceivably complex that the tangled mess of her mind is the only possible way for it to exist.
She feels as if her soul is bursting with potential. She knows that she could achieve so much if only she could harness her potential. The chaos of her mind stops her from doing that. It's preventing her from becoming amazing, from living her life, from completing this damn essay. She battles, she really has to fight against her chaotic mind in order to live everyday.
She knows that it's her mind that makes everyday a struggle, she knows that it's all in her head. To her though it's more real than a brick wall, solid, unbreakable, a barrier. Why is her brain working against her? Why does it have to be so fucking hard? If she could just let go of the disabling feeling that the chaos gives her then she could be happy, she could focus. She can't though.
Focus is something that would takeover in an absence of chaos. It's a gas that flows and expands into every chaos free space. If only she could focus she could learn french, practice the piano, become widely read, and hold thought out opinions about everything. But the chaos gets in the way and she can barely focus enough to get through the day, let alone become a well read woman with lots of skills.
She knows that she can achieve all of this if she could just rid her mind of chaos.
