journal #1
my body is exhausted, my eyes are hurting, but i feel purged, i feel new. i just got down the first draft of a novel, it's a load of shit, i don't care. it's freezing, truly fucking freezing. my cat is padding around the house wailing, she keeps sitting at the foot of the stairs, wide-eyed, waiting for someone to come and feed her. i miss not being here, i hate this house, i hate this place. i'm aching for the city, the cars that whoosh past, the chug-chug-chug of a railway, i miss the traffic lights. i miss going to coffee shops late at night and drinking tea, seeing filthy kids with bleached hair and lipstick on, hearing people talk about books, about art. i miss talking and being understood, mainly. i hear the words i'm saying and i wouldn't infer the meaning, were i somebody else. but some people can, you know. now and again.
i'm not articulate. articulacy isn't always a sign of intelligence but in my case it is a problem. i know what i want to say - i know it deeply, i know it desperately, i have to tell You all about it right now or i detonate. so i try to say it and it falls out in a tumble. it sounds like this:
you know, like - i just - you know - honestly - what i mean to say, is -
and yet when i'm writing, things come easy, i almost don't have to think. well, i do on the redraft. when i'm letting things stream out my comma abuse is fantastic. but i don't really care about that when i'm doing it. the one thing that pisses me the fuck off is when people try to tell you How To Write. hey you, don't use adverbs, adverbs make you less of a writer. write for other people. no! - write for yourself. write about society's relevant issues. don't make your writing too political. your story has a beginning, a middle and an end. your story should be stylish and innovative or it's worthless. i feel like this is what is holding people back. people in scotland won't write middle-class characters because they aren't the stories that "need" to be told. but who is it that's writing these goddamn stories? who is it that's reading them? it certainly isn't the working-class, that's for sure. i think you'll find they're out there actually working.
the only rule i think that matters is Be Honest. why would you write about something you don't care about? stupid. just do what the fuck you want. okay? do it.
my body is exhausted, my eyes are hurting, but i feel purged, i feel new. i just got down the first draft of a novel, it's a load of shit, i don't care. it's freezing, truly fucking freezing. my cat is padding around the house wailing, she keeps sitting at the foot of the stairs, wide-eyed, waiting for someone to come and feed her. i miss not being here, i hate this house, i hate this place. i'm aching for the city, the cars that whoosh past, the chug-chug-chug of a railway, i miss the traffic lights. i miss going to coffee shops late at night and drinking tea, seeing filthy kids with bleached hair and lipstick on, hearing people talk about books, about art. i miss talking and being understood, mainly. i hear the words i'm saying and i wouldn't infer the meaning, were i somebody else. but some people can, you know. now and again.
i'm not articulate. articulacy isn't always a sign of intelligence but in my case it is a problem. i know what i want to say - i know it deeply, i know it desperately, i have to tell You all about it right now or i detonate. so i try to say it and it falls out in a tumble. it sounds like this:
you know, like - i just - you know - honestly - what i mean to say, is -
and yet when i'm writing, things come easy, i almost don't have to think. well, i do on the redraft. when i'm letting things stream out my comma abuse is fantastic. but i don't really care about that when i'm doing it. the one thing that pisses me the fuck off is when people try to tell you How To Write. hey you, don't use adverbs, adverbs make you less of a writer. write for other people. no! - write for yourself. write about society's relevant issues. don't make your writing too political. your story has a beginning, a middle and an end. your story should be stylish and innovative or it's worthless. i feel like this is what is holding people back. people in scotland won't write middle-class characters because they aren't the stories that "need" to be told. but who is it that's writing these goddamn stories? who is it that's reading them? it certainly isn't the working-class, that's for sure. i think you'll find they're out there actually working.
the only rule i think that matters is Be Honest. why would you write about something you don't care about? stupid. just do what the fuck you want. okay? do it.
