I.
"Don't go anywhere, I want you to get a picture of your brother with us, then I want to take one of the two of you."
Kyle's first playoff game had just ended, a high-scoring game, for soccer, his team won 7-2. They were up 6-0 by the end of the first half. We were sure it would be a shutout.
I'm not a sports fan, whatsoever, but I am a photographer with two jock half-siblings, so I spent the extremely windy evening taking rapid-fire shots of my 18-year-old brother running back and forth across a grassy soccer field at a high school in the middle of a cornfield.
We stood around for a bit after packing up the folding chairs as well as my camera equipment, waiting for Kyle to walk across the field to us. As we waited, a woman walked up. She started talking to my dad and stepmom about her dog. "He has gallstones. I took him to the vet today, he'll be there until tomorrow. Also, my husband's out of town..." She continued on while my mind wandered.
When this woman first walked up, I thought to myself: please don't introduce me, I really don't feel like having to chat with someone I don't know.
But they didn't. And she didn't. Then, I found myself thinking: why wouldn't they introduce me? Are they embarrassed of me? Maybe it's just that this woman hasn't shut up.
Then, a man walked up and became engaged in this conversation as well. My thoughts became more erratic: okay, there was definitely time for them to introduce me there, why won't they say anything? I'm standing right here!
It was then that I started to get lost in my head. Thoughts of inadequecy, self-loathing, self-pity... these are the things I am best at. I'm always ready to shoot down a compliment anyone might have for me. I know exactly how to turn a triumph into a failure. It's what I do. Suddenly, my dad and step-mom couldn't stand to be in public with me. They never wanted anyone to know about their heathen daughter, the one who's never around. The so-called 'artist' with a desk job...
And as quickly as it hit, it was gone. I yelled at myself: Are you insane? These people are constantly trying to get you to come to church with them. They are willing to introduce you to the most judgemental people they know! It has nothing to do with you! They love you!
Apparently I'm not as good at the whole self-loathing thing as I used to be.
"Don't go anywhere, I want you to get a picture of your brother with us, then I want to take one of the two of you."
Kyle's first playoff game had just ended, a high-scoring game, for soccer, his team won 7-2. They were up 6-0 by the end of the first half. We were sure it would be a shutout.
I'm not a sports fan, whatsoever, but I am a photographer with two jock half-siblings, so I spent the extremely windy evening taking rapid-fire shots of my 18-year-old brother running back and forth across a grassy soccer field at a high school in the middle of a cornfield.
We stood around for a bit after packing up the folding chairs as well as my camera equipment, waiting for Kyle to walk across the field to us. As we waited, a woman walked up. She started talking to my dad and stepmom about her dog. "He has gallstones. I took him to the vet today, he'll be there until tomorrow. Also, my husband's out of town..." She continued on while my mind wandered.
When this woman first walked up, I thought to myself: please don't introduce me, I really don't feel like having to chat with someone I don't know.
But they didn't. And she didn't. Then, I found myself thinking: why wouldn't they introduce me? Are they embarrassed of me? Maybe it's just that this woman hasn't shut up.
Then, a man walked up and became engaged in this conversation as well. My thoughts became more erratic: okay, there was definitely time for them to introduce me there, why won't they say anything? I'm standing right here!
It was then that I started to get lost in my head. Thoughts of inadequecy, self-loathing, self-pity... these are the things I am best at. I'm always ready to shoot down a compliment anyone might have for me. I know exactly how to turn a triumph into a failure. It's what I do. Suddenly, my dad and step-mom couldn't stand to be in public with me. They never wanted anyone to know about their heathen daughter, the one who's never around. The so-called 'artist' with a desk job...
And as quickly as it hit, it was gone. I yelled at myself: Are you insane? These people are constantly trying to get you to come to church with them. They are willing to introduce you to the most judgemental people they know! It has nothing to do with you! They love you!
Apparently I'm not as good at the whole self-loathing thing as I used to be.
