Just one chance. That is what I want. I want one chance to prove I'm worth having a love that conquers all. A love that is everlasting and understanding. I'm a good friend. But not a girlfriend. I just want the chance to finally feel loved, for the first time. I know I have had my past experiences, but each one ended bad.
O- used me. never spoke to him after the little escapade.
N- he was younger, and I don't know if that is the reason he was so full of...lust? raging hormones wasn't really my style. I felt used, but unintentionally on his part.
G- don't even know how to put this? First round, I felt happier than I ever have in my entire life...and then he stopped talking to me all together. Ever since then, he's been in and out of my life, but it never felt the same. he has good intentions, but i could never really see past everything; our past, his relationship history, his friends, my family and friends. it just is a lot against that ever becoming something special.
RC- He was different. He seemed to care. His distance was a huge problem, and I guess honesty was an issue on my part. I don't know, I lost interest because the miles apart allows that to happen fast, and once he began to loose interest, I wanted him even more. And then he was gone. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I don't know why. I miss him in some ways, other ways I don't. I'm still bitter about it. Especially seeing that he said something about someone he referred to as "Sanchez" and that they were "stupid". I think like, "WOW, Sanchez...how stupid can you be?"
JM- He needs mental help, is that mean to say? He is a really good person, but he wanted weird kinds of sex. and his beliefs and interests were just too far gone for me.
Anyways. I know love will come my way. I honestly feel so alone, way too often. I feel it's unfair that so many other people and friends I have are in serious relationships, and here I am...just me. Alone. It's hard not to be envious. I think it's hard not to feel unwanted or unworthy of that sort of love. Why am I not worth as much as other girls? What's wrong with me? I know that's not right to think, but it is most definitely a thought that passes through on a regular basis.
I think it's safe to say I have found a trustworthy source to reveal secrets to. Are you ready?
O- used me. never spoke to him after the little escapade.
N- he was younger, and I don't know if that is the reason he was so full of...lust? raging hormones wasn't really my style. I felt used, but unintentionally on his part.
G- don't even know how to put this? First round, I felt happier than I ever have in my entire life...and then he stopped talking to me all together. Ever since then, he's been in and out of my life, but it never felt the same. he has good intentions, but i could never really see past everything; our past, his relationship history, his friends, my family and friends. it just is a lot against that ever becoming something special.
RC- He was different. He seemed to care. His distance was a huge problem, and I guess honesty was an issue on my part. I don't know, I lost interest because the miles apart allows that to happen fast, and once he began to loose interest, I wanted him even more. And then he was gone. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I don't know why. I miss him in some ways, other ways I don't. I'm still bitter about it. Especially seeing that he said something about someone he referred to as "Sanchez" and that they were "stupid". I think like, "WOW, Sanchez...how stupid can you be?"
JM- He needs mental help, is that mean to say? He is a really good person, but he wanted weird kinds of sex. and his beliefs and interests were just too far gone for me.
Anyways. I know love will come my way. I honestly feel so alone, way too often. I feel it's unfair that so many other people and friends I have are in serious relationships, and here I am...just me. Alone. It's hard not to be envious. I think it's hard not to feel unwanted or unworthy of that sort of love. Why am I not worth as much as other girls? What's wrong with me? I know that's not right to think, but it is most definitely a thought that passes through on a regular basis.
I think it's safe to say I have found a trustworthy source to reveal secrets to. Are you ready?
