finish out the systematic torture of k-12 education in one place, but I was apparently in dire need of a "coming to Jesus" experience and was therefore deemed a candidate for strict Catholic education. My parents never explicitly stated that the reason for my societal exile was my recent experimentation with hair dye and clip-on nose rings along with my brief stint with the Pepsi brand rather than Coca Cola, but part of me was always quite certain those were the causes. I don't think my use of church sermon pamphlets as homecoming bonfire fuel had anything to do with it.