she deserve the pain associated with the truth. I'll have to look into that. I'll leave myself with some thoughts:
Am I hurting myself with my actions? What do I really value? How do I plan on changing? Have I bound that book yet? What am I unhappy with that I want to change?
12:09 AM November 10th, 2010
I need to start be realizing that I cannot always answer the questions I pose myself in a single day. I must also figure out a system where I can remind myself throughout the day to consider the solutions to the problems. There were plenty of instances today where I could have used my time more efficiently to this end. I can expand on how hurtful my actions are though. It may be true that my normal attitude and personality is a bit harsh compared to the rest of the world, but that is no excuse. I think it is more that I am unwilling to put the effort into not changing, but just in an action that isn't reactional. The harshness comes easy to me, being polite and generous, however, does not. It is easy in a secluded atmosphere but in more of a public setting I am too cautious of the opinions of those around me.
This brings to light another problem I have with myself: my inability to motivate myself. I can see goals in front of me but my system for justifying the amount of work compared to the amount gained is atrociously skewed in favor of the reward. It is normally not enough to have an equal reward, I expect an exponential increase in the work I put in to be returned to me in benefits. This is not how the world works though, I know this. It is usually in the exact opposite. As you get closer to perfection with your work it will take more and more work to get a smaller and smaller return. The fine tuning is where I falter. This should be my ultimate goal in changing, but for it to be effective I need to start small. I need to set smaller goals that I actually have a chance at completing so I dont get discouraged and side tracked. This is how I will start my change. Not an absolute change, but a gradual improvement. There is no harm in such a change, I just have to be adamant in its implementation.
Not all of this has to be about what changes. I am actually quite happy at the moment. I have great friends here in Australia as well as home and despite a few confusions with my life have a decently good hold on what I am and what I want. This is a world ripe for the taking and I just need to focus
Am I hurting myself with my actions? What do I really value? How do I plan on changing? Have I bound that book yet? What am I unhappy with that I want to change?
12:09 AM November 10th, 2010
I need to start be realizing that I cannot always answer the questions I pose myself in a single day. I must also figure out a system where I can remind myself throughout the day to consider the solutions to the problems. There were plenty of instances today where I could have used my time more efficiently to this end. I can expand on how hurtful my actions are though. It may be true that my normal attitude and personality is a bit harsh compared to the rest of the world, but that is no excuse. I think it is more that I am unwilling to put the effort into not changing, but just in an action that isn't reactional. The harshness comes easy to me, being polite and generous, however, does not. It is easy in a secluded atmosphere but in more of a public setting I am too cautious of the opinions of those around me.
This brings to light another problem I have with myself: my inability to motivate myself. I can see goals in front of me but my system for justifying the amount of work compared to the amount gained is atrociously skewed in favor of the reward. It is normally not enough to have an equal reward, I expect an exponential increase in the work I put in to be returned to me in benefits. This is not how the world works though, I know this. It is usually in the exact opposite. As you get closer to perfection with your work it will take more and more work to get a smaller and smaller return. The fine tuning is where I falter. This should be my ultimate goal in changing, but for it to be effective I need to start small. I need to set smaller goals that I actually have a chance at completing so I dont get discouraged and side tracked. This is how I will start my change. Not an absolute change, but a gradual improvement. There is no harm in such a change, I just have to be adamant in its implementation.
Not all of this has to be about what changes. I am actually quite happy at the moment. I have great friends here in Australia as well as home and despite a few confusions with my life have a decently good hold on what I am and what I want. This is a world ripe for the taking and I just need to focus
