Every time I get back to Indiana, it's like this automatic hatred just comes over me. I hate it here, I hate everything about it. Every time I come back, Indiana feels less like home. I belong in Michigan, and I have twenty-four more days until I'm there.
I don't know if the depression and hatred stem from not being in Michigan or being away from Zach. I love that kid. I honestly think I do. It's so hard being apart from him lately. He's honestly the most amazing boy I've ever known, and it's finally just him and I together. The bad thing is that whenever we're face to face, it's perfect. That seems great right? Well it's not, because when we're apart, it's so much different.
What else is there to say? I'm so angry at myself for what happened with Zebra, especially since Zach and I are finally doing so well. But it was one drunken night, and worse things have happened. Zach and I aren't even technically together yet, but even so, that's the last stupid thing I do.
I just can't wait to move home and go to school and see everyone I love all the time. I know I'll miss my family, but right now I need my friends. Everything is so much easier with them around.
I'm so much happier with them around. When I'm in Indiana, all I do is work and sleep and smoke. The smoking helps me get away from being here, at least in my mind. In Michigan, I don't have to do that. I'm happy regardless of my mindset, at least most of the time.
Other than that, I have little to talk about. However, I am terrified of going to college and being on my own again. I'm nervous I won't do well. I'm nervous I'll fail and disappoint my parents. I'm nervous about leaving. I'm just plain nervous. I know I can do well though. I know everything will be okay. I'm just so ready for my future to pan out. I can't wait to see what happens in my life.


Everything is perfect lately. Everything other than Indiana.