snippet from How to wake up
How to wake up
Noticing how the mind "talks" over everything that is happening in reality.

I'm sitting in a room with a 12' picture window overlooking a back yard garden in Vancouver, CA. Threads of spider webs sparkle in the light between branches. The smallest movement of leaves in the breeze ... is so real, so alive. Anything I think, say outloud, or write about it is "one off" of the actual movement of the breeze itself. It is itself before I even see it/think it/feel it.

What is the sub-conscious? Is it below the conscious? ... underneath consciousness? From what I experience beneath/between/under *what is appearing* is the connective tissue of life itself. It is what is there before the story I make up about it, before the thought/belief/feeling.

So what is the role for me of opening up on a deeper level to "star energies," "psychic energies," "stone energies," etc. I feel as if in the past, when I did that, my ego-mind took over and lived that identity, of different, better, more than others. An ego's path towards enlightenment.

As I meditate now, I see that since I was young, I experienced this more "open," more awake awareness present in me. I recognized it as truth, but I didn't have a way to connect with like-minded others. I couldn't find my tribe, and I didn't fit in easily with others coming from that POV and so I gave it up and tried to join the "dream world of becoming somebody." At the same time, not forsaking my True Nature, I joined paths, studied with teachers, who would allow me to keep one foot in the "dream world" and one in the "trying to wake up" world.

Dianne, your call for "self-love" really resonated within me, more than all the paths that have called me for over 50 years. For this is the inner path I have sensed inside of me since childhood, the one I've been trying to live, unsure of who or what this identity truly is. It almost feels as if I've been giving up my own responsibility for this life form to others, saying "I want to wake up, please wake me up."

asking other people to


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