Where do we go when we die? When we see the light at the tunnel, does it get brighter after we die, or just flicker out? If there is in fact a heaven and a hell, why should we be allowed to go to either one? Surely, if there is a god he can make a better creature than a human. At best we are the regretful failed experiment of a deity. At worst, we are specks of dust, meant to do nothing more than consume, reproduce, and die. Unfortunately, the latter is the more likely of the two possibilities. The most meaning life its self can give us is to keep the human race moving along. That's it. We can produce our own "meanings", but nothing has true meaning. My meaning of life is to gather as many endorphins as I can so I can at least be happy during my transition from something to nothing. This thought is actually counterproductive to my endeavors oddly enough, because it depresses the fuck out of me. Nothing is more distracting than a constant gloom hanging over you telling you that one day you will be nothing more than fertilizer for a tree somewhere, if I'm even that lucky. The only bright side to this is at least I know that I need to actually do something with my life, and I learned this before it was too late. The only way to silence the whispers is to do something great. If you dont, they will only get louder and louder. I must create. Art was made by the human brain as a coping mechanism for this everlasting loneliness. It is a distraction that must be utilized by all who hear the whispers. Some people are lucky enough to cling to something such as religion, and they can happily live their lives with that distraction. I cannot. I am writing this purely to distract myself from the thoughts that consume my mind when I cannot fight them off. I have nothing to write about, but I feel that I must. I can do nothing other than sit here at this point in my life, so this is my only outlet. I am in purgatory. Ha. If purgatory was real id have no reason to write this. There would be no need to vent.

Why is it that no matter what I do, no matter what I dream of, none of it seems as if it has any real meaning at all? Everything on this planet seems empty and void of any real substance. Even me. My life is incredibly insignificant. Even if it did appear significant to others, it would still be meaningless to me. If my actions somehow managed to affect everyone on the planet it still wouldnt matter. As long as my life ends, the rest of it doesnt really matter. Life is just a game, and so far i havent experienced any of what it really has to offer. Maybe if i do one day ill feel like life in general has some sort of purpose but as of now nothing i do even remotely matters.